I was quite amused by a court case that happened through in Glasgow yesterday. An elderly woman was knocked over by a policeman while he was chasing a suspect on foot (this isn't the amusing part). The woman suffered a couple of bad injuries and she was awarded £8,000 in damages which is probably fair enough.
However what I couldn't believe is the comment from the judge who felt the policeman was "running too fast". WTF!?
Does this judge not want the police to actually catch criminals? Obviously he feels he is over worked and his day would be better spent at the bar drinking pints rather than having the inconvenience of actually having to sentence criminals.
What is going to happen now? Are police going to refuse to run after a criminal? I can picture it now "I'd like to chase after the ned that just mugged you and stole your handbag madam but I'm afraid he is running too fast" I'm sure that is going to go down well with the public.
Maybe police cars will only be allowed to travel at the speed limit. It's going to be criminal heaven, all they will need to do is hit 100mph on the motorway and they will be laughing.
Wednesday 28 February 2007
Monday 26 February 2007
Could You Double Check The Envelope?
It was about time that Martin Scorsese won the Best Director and Best Picture oscars. I can't think of another director with such a consistently good body of work that has failed to be recognised. Bear in mind that Mel Gibson has won before whilst Clint Eastwood has won twice.
Some critics have said that The Departed isn't Scorsese's best film. This may be true but it was one of my favourite films from last year so I think the oscar is well deserved. You can only beat the other films that are nominated for the year, it doesn't matter what has happened in the past. However it's not as if I have seen all of the nominated films so I guess my opinion may not be the most balanced.
Now that Scorsese has won it could well be time for him to complete the Sesame Streets epic he has planned....
There wasn't much surprise in the acting categories where all the favourites won. I actually watched the Last King of Scotland yesterday and thought Forrest Whittaker was superb as Idi Amin so he probably did deserve it. The film is general is excellent and is well worth watching, you can see why James McAvoy's character was drawn into Amin's regime.
Some critics have said that The Departed isn't Scorsese's best film. This may be true but it was one of my favourite films from last year so I think the oscar is well deserved. You can only beat the other films that are nominated for the year, it doesn't matter what has happened in the past. However it's not as if I have seen all of the nominated films so I guess my opinion may not be the most balanced.
Now that Scorsese has won it could well be time for him to complete the Sesame Streets epic he has planned....
There wasn't much surprise in the acting categories where all the favourites won. I actually watched the Last King of Scotland yesterday and thought Forrest Whittaker was superb as Idi Amin so he probably did deserve it. The film is general is excellent and is well worth watching, you can see why James McAvoy's character was drawn into Amin's regime.
Saturday 24 February 2007
Sesame Streets
I'd pay money to go and see this film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiKBoLXg5Cw
You will never look at tickle me elmo the same way again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiKBoLXg5Cw
You will never look at tickle me elmo the same way again
Thursday 22 February 2007
Fore
This week I have mostly been amused by:
Morrissey now being called the Pope of Mope.
Family Guy being eerily prophetic. In the dvd special where Stewie visits the future, Peter is watching Britney Spear's comeback concert. By this point Britney is hugely fat, in a wheelchair and has lost a foot to diabetes. She then starts trying to dance but the wheelchair tips over and she falls into the amps which then explode. Based on recent events it wouldn't surprise anyone if this actually ends up happening.
After she had shaved her head, I'd said it was almost as if Britney was trying to be Anna Nicole Smith now that she was dead. It turns out that it may not have been far from the truth after it was revealed that ANS had been trying to make friends with Britney when they were both pregnant recently. What a combination that would have been on a night out, it would be a competition to see who was the most insane. They could have traded downward spiral stories.
Craig Bellamy's goal celebration last night. After all the brouhaha with the golf club incident, Bellamy decided to celebrate scoring against Barcelona by, yes you've guessed it, swinging an imaginary golf club. Brilliant stuff, at least he has a sense of humour. Apparently you could get 100/1 at certain bookies on that happening. Wouldn't surprise me if Bellamy was a little bit richer this morning. He then set up John Arne Riise for the winner, couldn't have been better scripted.
Graham Norton looking very uncomfortable presenting the new saturday night BBC variety show. You can tell that he really doesn't want to be there, he looks seriously unimpressed at how his career has ended up. He has gone from pushing the boundaries of taste on channel 4 to being a sell out stooge for the beeb. Previously he would show women shooting ping pong balls out of certain orifices, now he is introducing 2 kids whose talent is being able to play drums and then trying and failing to get some interesting chat from them. This is followed up by an old guy who sings a song badly whilst bashing himself on the head with a tea tray. How these people even get on tv amazes me.
I bet if you are telepathic all you will be able to hear is Graham screaming to himself.
It's similar to the fall from grace of Peter Simon. Previously a fixture on saturday morning kids tv on the bbc. Now hawking tat on one of the shopping channels. If you ever get a chance to watch him you should, it's strangely compelling as you can tell the whole time he is trying to work out where it all went wrong.
Morrissey now being called the Pope of Mope.
Family Guy being eerily prophetic. In the dvd special where Stewie visits the future, Peter is watching Britney Spear's comeback concert. By this point Britney is hugely fat, in a wheelchair and has lost a foot to diabetes. She then starts trying to dance but the wheelchair tips over and she falls into the amps which then explode. Based on recent events it wouldn't surprise anyone if this actually ends up happening.
After she had shaved her head, I'd said it was almost as if Britney was trying to be Anna Nicole Smith now that she was dead. It turns out that it may not have been far from the truth after it was revealed that ANS had been trying to make friends with Britney when they were both pregnant recently. What a combination that would have been on a night out, it would be a competition to see who was the most insane. They could have traded downward spiral stories.
Craig Bellamy's goal celebration last night. After all the brouhaha with the golf club incident, Bellamy decided to celebrate scoring against Barcelona by, yes you've guessed it, swinging an imaginary golf club. Brilliant stuff, at least he has a sense of humour. Apparently you could get 100/1 at certain bookies on that happening. Wouldn't surprise me if Bellamy was a little bit richer this morning. He then set up John Arne Riise for the winner, couldn't have been better scripted.
Graham Norton looking very uncomfortable presenting the new saturday night BBC variety show. You can tell that he really doesn't want to be there, he looks seriously unimpressed at how his career has ended up. He has gone from pushing the boundaries of taste on channel 4 to being a sell out stooge for the beeb. Previously he would show women shooting ping pong balls out of certain orifices, now he is introducing 2 kids whose talent is being able to play drums and then trying and failing to get some interesting chat from them. This is followed up by an old guy who sings a song badly whilst bashing himself on the head with a tea tray. How these people even get on tv amazes me.
I bet if you are telepathic all you will be able to hear is Graham screaming to himself.
It's similar to the fall from grace of Peter Simon. Previously a fixture on saturday morning kids tv on the bbc. Now hawking tat on one of the shopping channels. If you ever get a chance to watch him you should, it's strangely compelling as you can tell the whole time he is trying to work out where it all went wrong.
Wednesday 21 February 2007
F OF
When watching the old firm play in Europe, you can guarantee that at least one the commentator will say a variation of the following:
"Of course it's difficult for Celtic/Rangers to compete because the Scottish league is so inferior"
They will then go on to talk about how big a step up it is to play in the Champions League whilst the opposition get hard games all the time so are more used to it.
I'm sick of hearing this as it is a complete crock of shit. It's just running down the Scottish League for no reason when we should be supporting it. Let's debunk this myth.
Firstly I would state that the Scottish league isn't as bad as people think. I will concede that a few years ago the OF were spending millions on buying foreign players whilst other clubs were almost going bust. This did lead to a big gap between the OF and the rest. However that is not the case now. Rangers are poor at the moment and have been for a couple of season. They are capable of getting beat by anyone as seen by the defeats at Inverness and Dunfermline this season whilst Hibs beat them 3-0 twice at Ibrox last season. This is not the form of a team who are in an inferior league.
Granted Celtic have won the league for the past couple of years by a fair distance but they aren't that good a team. They have consistency which helps them to edge games but they do not win games easily. Hibs, Hearts & Aberdeen can always give Celtic a good game and so can other teams on their day. Surely if the league was that inferior then the OF would be winning every game easily. A further reminder of this is the OF lack of success in recent cup competitions. This season's CIS cup and last season's Scottish Cup were noticeable for the early exit of both teams.
The OF don't really help the situation in Scotland either by buying up the best talent from the other teams (often with a derisory offer) and then complaining about a lack of competition!
Secondly other leagues aren't that different from the SPL. To listen to the commentators you would think that the big European teams play top class opposition week in week out. Do they really think that Chelsea putting 4 goals past Watford or Barcelona twonking Mallorca is good preparation for a Champion's League game? These team are in exactly the same situation as the OF, they are at the top of the tree in their own country and most of their games are against lower quality opposition. The whole point of the Champions League is that it is a step up from normal league duty.
It's time that the Scottish media realised that the reason for OF failure in Europe is due to the fact that they just aren't good enough. Despite Celtic holding on for a draw last night with AC Milan, the gulf in class between the teams was vast. Milan's ability to retain possession and stroke the ball around the pitch was top class. Celtic on the other hand seemed to resort to long balls up the pitch or into the box in the hope that their big man up front might get his head to them. The key to long term success in Europe is quality of possession which the OF just can't do. Their 100mph dogged style can bring short term success in the odd game but it also means they won't consistently be qualifying for the later stages.
The Scottish media needs to focus on this and stop running down the Scottish league. Of course that won't fit in with the OF sycophantic culture the media has but that is another story.........
One more point about the game last night. Hibs manager John Collins was one of the studio pundits and I was very impressed with his input. The problem with most pundits (Schmeichel, Wright etc) is that they just state the obvious for example "That was a good goal". JC on the other hand was telling the viewer about aspects of the game that they may not have been aware of. His tactical knowledge was spot on, similar actually to Gordon Strachan when he does media work. Surely the work of a pundit is educate the viewer about the game, not just offer a stream of banalities. Anyway, it made me glad that JC is the Hibs manager as he certainly knows his stuff when it comes to football.
"Of course it's difficult for Celtic/Rangers to compete because the Scottish league is so inferior"
They will then go on to talk about how big a step up it is to play in the Champions League whilst the opposition get hard games all the time so are more used to it.
I'm sick of hearing this as it is a complete crock of shit. It's just running down the Scottish League for no reason when we should be supporting it. Let's debunk this myth.
Firstly I would state that the Scottish league isn't as bad as people think. I will concede that a few years ago the OF were spending millions on buying foreign players whilst other clubs were almost going bust. This did lead to a big gap between the OF and the rest. However that is not the case now. Rangers are poor at the moment and have been for a couple of season. They are capable of getting beat by anyone as seen by the defeats at Inverness and Dunfermline this season whilst Hibs beat them 3-0 twice at Ibrox last season. This is not the form of a team who are in an inferior league.
Granted Celtic have won the league for the past couple of years by a fair distance but they aren't that good a team. They have consistency which helps them to edge games but they do not win games easily. Hibs, Hearts & Aberdeen can always give Celtic a good game and so can other teams on their day. Surely if the league was that inferior then the OF would be winning every game easily. A further reminder of this is the OF lack of success in recent cup competitions. This season's CIS cup and last season's Scottish Cup were noticeable for the early exit of both teams.
The OF don't really help the situation in Scotland either by buying up the best talent from the other teams (often with a derisory offer) and then complaining about a lack of competition!
Secondly other leagues aren't that different from the SPL. To listen to the commentators you would think that the big European teams play top class opposition week in week out. Do they really think that Chelsea putting 4 goals past Watford or Barcelona twonking Mallorca is good preparation for a Champion's League game? These team are in exactly the same situation as the OF, they are at the top of the tree in their own country and most of their games are against lower quality opposition. The whole point of the Champions League is that it is a step up from normal league duty.
It's time that the Scottish media realised that the reason for OF failure in Europe is due to the fact that they just aren't good enough. Despite Celtic holding on for a draw last night with AC Milan, the gulf in class between the teams was vast. Milan's ability to retain possession and stroke the ball around the pitch was top class. Celtic on the other hand seemed to resort to long balls up the pitch or into the box in the hope that their big man up front might get his head to them. The key to long term success in Europe is quality of possession which the OF just can't do. Their 100mph dogged style can bring short term success in the odd game but it also means they won't consistently be qualifying for the later stages.
The Scottish media needs to focus on this and stop running down the Scottish league. Of course that won't fit in with the OF sycophantic culture the media has but that is another story.........
One more point about the game last night. Hibs manager John Collins was one of the studio pundits and I was very impressed with his input. The problem with most pundits (Schmeichel, Wright etc) is that they just state the obvious for example "That was a good goal". JC on the other hand was telling the viewer about aspects of the game that they may not have been aware of. His tactical knowledge was spot on, similar actually to Gordon Strachan when he does media work. Surely the work of a pundit is educate the viewer about the game, not just offer a stream of banalities. Anyway, it made me glad that JC is the Hibs manager as he certainly knows his stuff when it comes to football.
Tuesday 20 February 2007
The Pursuit of Healthy Living
For three days a week I try to visit the gym before I go to work. Generally this is a good way to start the day as it can put you in a positive frame of mind for work. When all you have to look at is a wall then you need something to motivate you....
There are a couple of drawbacks from this though. You do have to try and get an early night as it's not easy getting up at 6.15 in the morning. I do find having noisy neighbours who get up at this time helps especially when they have an incredibly loud bathroom fan. It also plays havoc with a breakfast routine. I need to eat something before I go otherwise I'm too hungry to work out but I can't eat too much otherwise my stomach stops me from doing anything. It also means I have to bring something with me to have after as I'm usually starving by 9am. If I don't I end up undoing some of my good work by having a scone.
The other drawback is the fact that my gym has been taken over by Virigin Active recently which means that every so often you have to put up with Richard Branson's smug grin looking down at you from the tv screens. Honestly, it's virigin on the offensive.....
However I feel it's worthwhile despite the cost. It can make you feel good about yourself if you have run 5k or cycled 15k before your working day has even started. It also helps to work off the snacks and alcohol. I think if I didn't keep fit then I may have to buy many pairs of new trousers. It's also good for the winter months as there isn't a great deal of motivation to go outside running or cycling in the dark or rain. It may not be something I can keep going if I return to student days though.
One thing I have noticed at the gym from watching the music channels. Does Beyonce intentionally style her dance moves on epilepsy?
An aspect of healthy living I do struggle with is eating 5 portions of fruit and veg a day. The best time to eat fruit seems to be during the day at work but there is a limit on what I can have. Apples and bananas are easy enough although they can be a hassle to carry around. I can't eat citrus fruit due to my stomach and a lot of other fruits seem impractical. Is it just me or do a lot of fruits only have a one day timeframe when they are good to eat? I sometimes buy a pack of peaches, plums or pears but usually what happens is that they are too hard to eat for the first few days. Then one day they magically become ripe but by the next day they are starting to go off. If you don't catch them on that one ripe day and eat about 6 of them then generally you are throwing most of the pack out.
The other problem I have with fruit is that it tends to make me hungry. Many times when I eat an apple, I actually feel hungrier once I've finished and this leads me to eat a cereal bar. It's almost like fruit creates a void in the stomach which vaporises all the food that was in there forcing you to eat more.
With veg, unless you like eating them raw, it can be a hassle to cook them once you come home from work. The last thing I want to do when I get in is to start washing, peeling and cooking some carrots.
I do try and get 5 portions but I have to say that I don't reach that target very often.
There are a couple of drawbacks from this though. You do have to try and get an early night as it's not easy getting up at 6.15 in the morning. I do find having noisy neighbours who get up at this time helps especially when they have an incredibly loud bathroom fan. It also plays havoc with a breakfast routine. I need to eat something before I go otherwise I'm too hungry to work out but I can't eat too much otherwise my stomach stops me from doing anything. It also means I have to bring something with me to have after as I'm usually starving by 9am. If I don't I end up undoing some of my good work by having a scone.
The other drawback is the fact that my gym has been taken over by Virigin Active recently which means that every so often you have to put up with Richard Branson's smug grin looking down at you from the tv screens. Honestly, it's virigin on the offensive.....
However I feel it's worthwhile despite the cost. It can make you feel good about yourself if you have run 5k or cycled 15k before your working day has even started. It also helps to work off the snacks and alcohol. I think if I didn't keep fit then I may have to buy many pairs of new trousers. It's also good for the winter months as there isn't a great deal of motivation to go outside running or cycling in the dark or rain. It may not be something I can keep going if I return to student days though.
One thing I have noticed at the gym from watching the music channels. Does Beyonce intentionally style her dance moves on epilepsy?
An aspect of healthy living I do struggle with is eating 5 portions of fruit and veg a day. The best time to eat fruit seems to be during the day at work but there is a limit on what I can have. Apples and bananas are easy enough although they can be a hassle to carry around. I can't eat citrus fruit due to my stomach and a lot of other fruits seem impractical. Is it just me or do a lot of fruits only have a one day timeframe when they are good to eat? I sometimes buy a pack of peaches, plums or pears but usually what happens is that they are too hard to eat for the first few days. Then one day they magically become ripe but by the next day they are starting to go off. If you don't catch them on that one ripe day and eat about 6 of them then generally you are throwing most of the pack out.
The other problem I have with fruit is that it tends to make me hungry. Many times when I eat an apple, I actually feel hungrier once I've finished and this leads me to eat a cereal bar. It's almost like fruit creates a void in the stomach which vaporises all the food that was in there forcing you to eat more.
With veg, unless you like eating them raw, it can be a hassle to cook them once you come home from work. The last thing I want to do when I get in is to start washing, peeling and cooking some carrots.
I do try and get 5 portions but I have to say that I don't reach that target very often.
Monday 19 February 2007
How To Start A Trend
Apparently my blog is a trend setter. Those of you who have read it from the start may recall a post I did on football related haiku's. I came up with some and challenged others to submit some.
Well, it seems the Scotland on Sunday have copied my idea exactly! In yesterdays paper they printed a haiku for each team in the SPL and asked readers to submit their own versions.
Expect to see articles on beards and sitting in front of walls in forthcoming issued of the paper.....
Well, it seems the Scotland on Sunday have copied my idea exactly! In yesterdays paper they printed a haiku for each team in the SPL and asked readers to submit their own versions.
Expect to see articles on beards and sitting in front of walls in forthcoming issued of the paper.....
Vodka & Ice Cream
While I was in Scotmid yesterday I realised that the woman in the queue in front of me was the stereotypical jakey ned. In fact if you were to compile a checklist of points which would qualify someone as being a jakey ned then she would get full marks. She qualified on the following grounds:
Baseball cap which was dirty & stained.
This covered hair which looked lank and greasy. It had been pulled into a pony tail in a futile attempt to disguise the lack of washing.
A pale face that looks like it hasn't seen the sun in months.
Tracksuit trouser and top which don't actually match and generally looked very dishevelled.
Stick thin due to spending all money on booze (and probably fags and the lottery).
Looked like she was in her 50s when it's more likely she is in her 30s.
Rather than having a purse or bag, she produced crumpled notes from her pocket.
Buying a litre of vodka on a Sunday just after 12.30. This is the earliest possible time to actually buy alcohol on a Sunday...
A random purchase of 2 litres of ice cream with the vodka as if pretending that it wasn't just the vodka she had come in for. Actually just had a scary thought. She may well have 3 ned kids back at home and the ice cream is what constitutes their food for the day.
Makes you proud to be Scottish....
Baseball cap which was dirty & stained.
This covered hair which looked lank and greasy. It had been pulled into a pony tail in a futile attempt to disguise the lack of washing.
A pale face that looks like it hasn't seen the sun in months.
Tracksuit trouser and top which don't actually match and generally looked very dishevelled.
Stick thin due to spending all money on booze (and probably fags and the lottery).
Looked like she was in her 50s when it's more likely she is in her 30s.
Rather than having a purse or bag, she produced crumpled notes from her pocket.
Buying a litre of vodka on a Sunday just after 12.30. This is the earliest possible time to actually buy alcohol on a Sunday...
A random purchase of 2 litres of ice cream with the vodka as if pretending that it wasn't just the vodka she had come in for. Actually just had a scary thought. She may well have 3 ned kids back at home and the ice cream is what constitutes their food for the day.
Makes you proud to be Scottish....
Simon & Hobbes
Simon Pegg's ubiquity continues. After my previous post on this subject he subsequently appeared on the Brit awards, the Jonathon Ross radio show & Top Gear. Not content with dominating the TV and Radio medium, there was also a trailer for his new film before Hot Fuzz. How does he manage to get everything done? It's like the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon where Calvin creates a Duplicator to clone himself so that the clones can do all his chores, homework etc. Of course it all ends with the clones fighting each other so expect to see footage of a riot featuring hundreds of Simon Pegg clones on the news soon.
Alternatively Pegg may use all his clones to star in a remake of the Michael Keaton flick Multiplicity. It's the next step to world dominance.
It's good to see that Craig Bellamy has returned to his normal ways. After clinching the "dream move" to "his boyhood idols" Liverpool, it looked like Bellamy may actually settle down and concentrate on his football. This proved to be short lived.
After a Liverpool training camp in Portugal, Bellamy has been fined 2 weeks wages for an altercation with John Arne Riise. Allegedly Bellamy attacked Riise with a golf club and hit him over the legs with it.
Riise's crime to inspire this rage? Refusing to join in with the karaoke despite Bellamy's repeated requests.....
Just how far up his own arse has Preston from the Ordinary Boys gone since he appeared on celebrity Big Brother? Let's look at the evidence:
1) When asked how he felt about alienating the hard core Ordinary Boys fans after his Big Brother appearance, Preston replied with he didn't care. He felt these fans were holding them back and they thought the band was something it wasn't. So he is attacking the fans who bought his records when no one else cared. If it wasn't for these fans then no one would have ever heard of Preston or his band and he would probably be stacking shelves in his local Tesco.
2)He appeared on TV to sing his latest song whilst holding a small dog. Does he think he is Paris Hilton?
3)He walked off Nevermind the Buzzcocks after host Simon Amstell read out passages from his wife's book. Bear in mind these passages were very poorly written and therefore very amusing. Also Preston was wearing a sparkly silver top and had refused to join in any of the banter up until that point. If you go on Buzzcocks you have to expect to get a bit of a slagging.
All this seems to point to the fact that a visit to the proctologists may be required.
Alternatively Pegg may use all his clones to star in a remake of the Michael Keaton flick Multiplicity. It's the next step to world dominance.
It's good to see that Craig Bellamy has returned to his normal ways. After clinching the "dream move" to "his boyhood idols" Liverpool, it looked like Bellamy may actually settle down and concentrate on his football. This proved to be short lived.
After a Liverpool training camp in Portugal, Bellamy has been fined 2 weeks wages for an altercation with John Arne Riise. Allegedly Bellamy attacked Riise with a golf club and hit him over the legs with it.
Riise's crime to inspire this rage? Refusing to join in with the karaoke despite Bellamy's repeated requests.....
Just how far up his own arse has Preston from the Ordinary Boys gone since he appeared on celebrity Big Brother? Let's look at the evidence:
1) When asked how he felt about alienating the hard core Ordinary Boys fans after his Big Brother appearance, Preston replied with he didn't care. He felt these fans were holding them back and they thought the band was something it wasn't. So he is attacking the fans who bought his records when no one else cared. If it wasn't for these fans then no one would have ever heard of Preston or his band and he would probably be stacking shelves in his local Tesco.
2)He appeared on TV to sing his latest song whilst holding a small dog. Does he think he is Paris Hilton?
3)He walked off Nevermind the Buzzcocks after host Simon Amstell read out passages from his wife's book. Bear in mind these passages were very poorly written and therefore very amusing. Also Preston was wearing a sparkly silver top and had refused to join in any of the banter up until that point. If you go on Buzzcocks you have to expect to get a bit of a slagging.
All this seems to point to the fact that a visit to the proctologists may be required.
Saturday 17 February 2007
Yarp
Some more things that have amused me:
Hot Fuzz. It's ace.
It's very funny and it actually has a good story. It's worth seeing for the following two lines:
"Yarp"
"If you want to be a big cop in a small city then piss off to the model village"
The fact that there is an all female Led Zeppelin tribute band called......Lez Zeppelin
John Motson morphing into Timmy Mallett. John you are an OAP, is it not about time to act your age. If you are actually appearing on TV before a big game, it is not a good idea to wear massive blue framed glasses. Bring back the sheepskin coat.
Hot Fuzz. It's ace.
It's very funny and it actually has a good story. It's worth seeing for the following two lines:
"Yarp"
"If you want to be a big cop in a small city then piss off to the model village"
The fact that there is an all female Led Zeppelin tribute band called......Lez Zeppelin
John Motson morphing into Timmy Mallett. John you are an OAP, is it not about time to act your age. If you are actually appearing on TV before a big game, it is not a good idea to wear massive blue framed glasses. Bring back the sheepskin coat.
Friday 16 February 2007
Irony Week
Things that have amused me this week:
Noel Gallagher's comment regarding the Conservative leader David Cameron "He is like a songwriter who's eternally ripping off someone else's song and changing the odd line a little"
Reports that he then said he was changing his name to Mr Pot are unconfirmed......
What next? Hearts dictator in chief Romanov having the cheek to accuse the Old Firm of turning Scottish football into showbusiness. What's that, he's already done it this week?! Oh well, it must be let's celebrate irony week.
People refusing to take the Daily Retard Edinburgh PM edition even though it's being handed out free. As the Retard is predominantly a west coast paper (Scotland's newspaper my arse) it thought it could crack the Edinburgh market by producing the same paper with a couple of token Edinburgh stories. Meanwhile the sports pages are still full of Old Firm propaganda and continually run down Hibs & Hearts. Looks like it will be running back to Glasgow with it's tail between it's legs quite soon.
Tom Cruise recruiting Ben Stiller to star in a Hardy Boys film. Is this so his co-star doesn't tower over him? Apparently they will play grown up Hardy Boys but then surely they should have got adult sized actors to play the roles..........
The vast difference between Amy Winehouse singing and Amy Winehouse talking. She has a great voice when singing but it's hard to believe it's the same person when she talks. She sounds like a docker. I think elocution lessons would be more appropriate than trying to send her to rehab.
How many kids with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?
Can I go ride my bike now?
Noel Gallagher's comment regarding the Conservative leader David Cameron "He is like a songwriter who's eternally ripping off someone else's song and changing the odd line a little"
Reports that he then said he was changing his name to Mr Pot are unconfirmed......
What next? Hearts dictator in chief Romanov having the cheek to accuse the Old Firm of turning Scottish football into showbusiness. What's that, he's already done it this week?! Oh well, it must be let's celebrate irony week.
People refusing to take the Daily Retard Edinburgh PM edition even though it's being handed out free. As the Retard is predominantly a west coast paper (Scotland's newspaper my arse) it thought it could crack the Edinburgh market by producing the same paper with a couple of token Edinburgh stories. Meanwhile the sports pages are still full of Old Firm propaganda and continually run down Hibs & Hearts. Looks like it will be running back to Glasgow with it's tail between it's legs quite soon.
Tom Cruise recruiting Ben Stiller to star in a Hardy Boys film. Is this so his co-star doesn't tower over him? Apparently they will play grown up Hardy Boys but then surely they should have got adult sized actors to play the roles..........
The vast difference between Amy Winehouse singing and Amy Winehouse talking. She has a great voice when singing but it's hard to believe it's the same person when she talks. She sounds like a docker. I think elocution lessons would be more appropriate than trying to send her to rehab.
How many kids with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?
Can I go ride my bike now?
Thursday 15 February 2007
Hello Wall My New Friend
Q. How do you ensure that you completely demotivate someone at work?
A. Move them to a new seat in the corner which faces the wall.
As you may have guessed, I have been moved at work. I used to have a decent seat, had a view of the office and I could speak to people. I now sit a face a wall all day long in probably the worst seat in the office. If I'm sitting normally at my desk I can't see anyone else. In fact if my colleagues were quiet enough, they could all sneak out and I wouldn't even notice. I'd turn round at some point and feel like Charlton Heston in the Omega Man. Actually being a zombie is probably a good description of how I feel at work....
It's almost like I have been banished to the naughty corner which as you can imagine I'm not too impressed about. I do have a window to look out of but all I can really see is the building across the road and sky. Not very exciting.
I wouldn't have thought it was that important to see other people at work but it does make a difference. Roll on Uni decision day.
A. Move them to a new seat in the corner which faces the wall.
As you may have guessed, I have been moved at work. I used to have a decent seat, had a view of the office and I could speak to people. I now sit a face a wall all day long in probably the worst seat in the office. If I'm sitting normally at my desk I can't see anyone else. In fact if my colleagues were quiet enough, they could all sneak out and I wouldn't even notice. I'd turn round at some point and feel like Charlton Heston in the Omega Man. Actually being a zombie is probably a good description of how I feel at work....
It's almost like I have been banished to the naughty corner which as you can imagine I'm not too impressed about. I do have a window to look out of but all I can really see is the building across the road and sky. Not very exciting.
I wouldn't have thought it was that important to see other people at work but it does make a difference. Roll on Uni decision day.
Tuesday 13 February 2007
Fot Huzz
I like Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. They are always very funny while Spaced & Shaun of the Dead are excellent. However they seemed to have turned into complete media tarts. I realise that they have a new film to promote but it seems like every time you turn on the TV at the moment you are bound to see at least one of them. If they aren't appearing on chat shows then Simon is presenting awards or they are both poncing about on daytime shows helping chefs to cook.
The worst example of this was Offside last night. For those of you who don't know, Offside is like a TV version of Off The Ball - the most petty and ill-informed radio programme about scottish football. Pegg and Frost have absolutely no connection to scottish football so the only reason for them to be on was to promote their film. Frost is a West Ham fan and was asked about the legend status of Frank McAvennie. He responded by saying he didn't really know as it was before his time. That may be true but you'd think he would at least make an effort to justify being on a scottish football show. It was just shameless self promotion and I would have thought the two of them were above it. Come on guys, give it a rest. Just go back to appearing in comedy shows/films or the occasional funny chat show appearance. I don't think my life has been improved by seeing Frost's languid style of cutting an avocado. Speaking of avocado's, apparently they are a aphrodisiac and used to be known as the testicle fruit. This isn't due to their appearance but tribes used to eat them to improve their fertility. Handy advice for all you guys with Valentine's Day fast approaching.
The worst example of this was Offside last night. For those of you who don't know, Offside is like a TV version of Off The Ball - the most petty and ill-informed radio programme about scottish football. Pegg and Frost have absolutely no connection to scottish football so the only reason for them to be on was to promote their film. Frost is a West Ham fan and was asked about the legend status of Frank McAvennie. He responded by saying he didn't really know as it was before his time. That may be true but you'd think he would at least make an effort to justify being on a scottish football show. It was just shameless self promotion and I would have thought the two of them were above it. Come on guys, give it a rest. Just go back to appearing in comedy shows/films or the occasional funny chat show appearance. I don't think my life has been improved by seeing Frost's languid style of cutting an avocado. Speaking of avocado's, apparently they are a aphrodisiac and used to be known as the testicle fruit. This isn't due to their appearance but tribes used to eat them to improve their fertility. Handy advice for all you guys with Valentine's Day fast approaching.
Monday 12 February 2007
Award Too Far
Is it just me or are award ceremonies on TV just a waste of time?
I watched some of the BAFTA awards last night and I was just bored. All you really need to know is who won the main categories and you can just check that in the paper the next morning. That takes up 2 minutes of your life rather than 2 hours.
You'd think it would be entertaining watching the awards being given but the vast majority of the speeches are just boring. The presentation speeches aren't much better, generally you can tell it's been scripted but when they do deviate from this, it tends to just be cringe worthy. Jonathon Ross was quite entertaining as the host but it seemed to be a very tough crowd and a few of his gags were just a bit obvious. Going by the lack of reaction to some of his quips then it seems that many actors find it difficult to laugh at themselves. Who would have thought that. The honourable exception to all this is Ricky Gervais who managed to do a funny unscripted piece that actually raised some laughs.
The awards themselves also seemed pointless. It seemed like the nominations for every category was just the same films again and again. The Queen, Notes On A Scandal, Last King of Scotland, Little Miss Sunshine...... They could have saved so much time by having just one award rather than 500 hundred.
I was rather bemused by two of the winners. Last King of Scotland won the Best British Film beating The Queen. However The Queen then won the Best Film beating Last King of Scotland. Surely this doesn't make sense, if The Queen is best film then does that not automatically mean it is the best British film too? Maybe they just want to share the awards out so that The Queen doesn't get them all.
French actress Eva Green winning Rising Star at the British awards was also a puzzler. I'm sure she is a good actress but she isn't British and she seems to have won in for being a Bond Girl. This isn't usually a showcase for great acting talents and I didn't see much in this film to suggest she is a rising star.
No doubt all of this will be repeated at the Oscars in the near future. It's quite clear though that it's all about the money rather than the films.
I watched some of the BAFTA awards last night and I was just bored. All you really need to know is who won the main categories and you can just check that in the paper the next morning. That takes up 2 minutes of your life rather than 2 hours.
You'd think it would be entertaining watching the awards being given but the vast majority of the speeches are just boring. The presentation speeches aren't much better, generally you can tell it's been scripted but when they do deviate from this, it tends to just be cringe worthy. Jonathon Ross was quite entertaining as the host but it seemed to be a very tough crowd and a few of his gags were just a bit obvious. Going by the lack of reaction to some of his quips then it seems that many actors find it difficult to laugh at themselves. Who would have thought that. The honourable exception to all this is Ricky Gervais who managed to do a funny unscripted piece that actually raised some laughs.
The awards themselves also seemed pointless. It seemed like the nominations for every category was just the same films again and again. The Queen, Notes On A Scandal, Last King of Scotland, Little Miss Sunshine...... They could have saved so much time by having just one award rather than 500 hundred.
I was rather bemused by two of the winners. Last King of Scotland won the Best British Film beating The Queen. However The Queen then won the Best Film beating Last King of Scotland. Surely this doesn't make sense, if The Queen is best film then does that not automatically mean it is the best British film too? Maybe they just want to share the awards out so that The Queen doesn't get them all.
French actress Eva Green winning Rising Star at the British awards was also a puzzler. I'm sure she is a good actress but she isn't British and she seems to have won in for being a Bond Girl. This isn't usually a showcase for great acting talents and I didn't see much in this film to suggest she is a rising star.
No doubt all of this will be repeated at the Oscars in the near future. It's quite clear though that it's all about the money rather than the films.
Friday 9 February 2007
TV Osmosis
Having been off work sick the past couple of days, I decided to give daytime tv another chance. There wasn't much else I could do after being up half the night in the bathroom. It's unlikely I'm ever going to be able to eat haggis again, it's not quite the same when it's coming back up through your nose........
Anyway, I've always maintained that daytime tv is a load of pap but I haven't really watched it recently. To my surprise it wasn't as bad as I remembered, it was actually worse. Didn't actually think that was possible although that may be due to the fact I have freeview now so I have even more channels of pap to choose from. If it's not teleshopping, it's dumbed down quizzes (What is your name? Derrrrrrrr) or it's programmes about gardening or houses or antiques. Do broadcasters think that no-one really watches tv during the day? I swear I could feel my brains leaking out of my ears while I was watching. If anyone watches this day in, day out then they must lose any intelligence they previously had. Actually that could explain a lot of problems with society today, unemployed neds spend all day in front of the box until they are no use to anyone except baseball cap and Buckfast makers.
The worst offender is probably the Jeremy Kyle show. Imagine a low rent Trisha (and I didn't even think that you could get anymore low rent than Trisha) and you are only half way there. It seems to be the complete dregs of society, sitting there in their tracksuits arguing with each other. Titles of the programme seem to be from the "The father of my 10 kids slept with my sister, my mum and the neighbours dog before spending all my benefit money on drugs. But I still want him back" school. Classy, I'm sure you'd agree. You could go and hang out at the local shopping centre to see neds arguing, God knows why ITV thought it would be a good idea for a TV show.
Strangely though, it seems I've developed a fondness for the abc1 channel on freeview. This seems to exist to show all the by the number American sitcoms again and again with the occasional gem thrown in such as Scrubs. Most of these programmes are terrible but I've actually been enjoying them, maybe it's the lack of food. Home Improvement, The Geena Davis Show and even Rodney have all amused me for some reason. This despite that fact that all American sitcoms seem to be exactly the same just with different people. There is one main character with a "thing" (Is into tools, is a comedian, is a successful planner etc) who has the "perfect" spouse with 2 or 3 all American kids who just get up to the darnest things. Maybe this is the appeal, you know exactly what you are going to get therefore it's comforting. Who knows. Hopefully I'll be back to normal soon so I can stop watching TV. It's probably safer that way, can't see my getting accepted into Uni after losing all my knowledge via TV osmosis.
Anyway, I've always maintained that daytime tv is a load of pap but I haven't really watched it recently. To my surprise it wasn't as bad as I remembered, it was actually worse. Didn't actually think that was possible although that may be due to the fact I have freeview now so I have even more channels of pap to choose from. If it's not teleshopping, it's dumbed down quizzes (What is your name? Derrrrrrrr) or it's programmes about gardening or houses or antiques. Do broadcasters think that no-one really watches tv during the day? I swear I could feel my brains leaking out of my ears while I was watching. If anyone watches this day in, day out then they must lose any intelligence they previously had. Actually that could explain a lot of problems with society today, unemployed neds spend all day in front of the box until they are no use to anyone except baseball cap and Buckfast makers.
The worst offender is probably the Jeremy Kyle show. Imagine a low rent Trisha (and I didn't even think that you could get anymore low rent than Trisha) and you are only half way there. It seems to be the complete dregs of society, sitting there in their tracksuits arguing with each other. Titles of the programme seem to be from the "The father of my 10 kids slept with my sister, my mum and the neighbours dog before spending all my benefit money on drugs. But I still want him back" school. Classy, I'm sure you'd agree. You could go and hang out at the local shopping centre to see neds arguing, God knows why ITV thought it would be a good idea for a TV show.
Strangely though, it seems I've developed a fondness for the abc1 channel on freeview. This seems to exist to show all the by the number American sitcoms again and again with the occasional gem thrown in such as Scrubs. Most of these programmes are terrible but I've actually been enjoying them, maybe it's the lack of food. Home Improvement, The Geena Davis Show and even Rodney have all amused me for some reason. This despite that fact that all American sitcoms seem to be exactly the same just with different people. There is one main character with a "thing" (Is into tools, is a comedian, is a successful planner etc) who has the "perfect" spouse with 2 or 3 all American kids who just get up to the darnest things. Maybe this is the appeal, you know exactly what you are going to get therefore it's comforting. Who knows. Hopefully I'll be back to normal soon so I can stop watching TV. It's probably safer that way, can't see my getting accepted into Uni after losing all my knowledge via TV osmosis.
Wednesday 7 February 2007
Filmfest
I was off work on Monday so decided to have a bit of a DVD binge. I haven't been to the cinema as much as I used to over the past year and thought it was time I caught up on films I had missed. Watched 4 films which I have never done before in one day. It was a fun way to spend the day if not the healthiest. There is something about watching films that makes you want to snack. Here is a quick review:
Children Of Men - This was the one film I was eagerly anticipating but it turned out to be the biggest disappointment of the day. The idea of the film is good whereby women have become infertile and the youngest person on the planet has just been killed at age 18. The world is going to pot and there seems to be no hope. However despite some decent acting the story just failed to grab me and I ended up not really caring what happened in the end. It wasn't a bad film I guess, just not as good as I expected it to be. It didn't help that Julianne Moore was in it. I really don't like her as an actress and it does seem to colour my judgement for any film she is in, the film has to be very good to overcome the Moore hurdle. She just seems far too earnest or histrionic depending on the situation and it just seems like a little girl pretending to be an actress. Apparently the film industry seems to disagree and she gets nominated for numerous awards. Mind you, Eddie Murphy has been oscar nominated this year so you can't read too much into these things. I'm just grateful Moore only had a small part in Magnolia otherwise she could have ruined that too.
Little Miss Sunshine - Great film and cast, very enjoyable. Notable for the fact that the young girl in it actually gives a good performance, normally you want to slap precocious sprogs in films. There was a danger the film could have got a bit American and schmaltzy but it resisted the temptation well. There were a number of funny parts and it's worth seeing for Olive's dance routine.....
36 - French film starring the two French acting heavyweights Gerard Depardieu (which is a great name to say, makes you feel French) and Daniel Auteuil. It's been billed as a French Heat and I thought it was just as good. Both play policemen but sometimes the line between cop and criminal is blurred. One thing I like about french films is that quite often the people portrayed aren't pigeon-holed into set roles i.e. good or bad. Whilst this can be ok in certain films, it's more realistic to portray people as mixed/unsure about life and just reacting to situations as they arise.
The Break Up - Better than I expected. Vince Vaughn is always good to watch in these kind of films and Jennifer Aniston was good in her role too. It's maybe a little predictable but as the fourth film in a dvd-a-thon, it's just what you need. The support is criminally underused especially Jason Bateman who is excellent in Arrested Development but is barely on screen. Vince does his usual jobs for the boys and ropes in Jon Favreau as his best mate, it's scary how big he has become. Mind you Vince himself does seem a bit bigger these days too. It's been a long time since Swingers.
There are some funny moments and is worth it if you want something undemanding.
Children Of Men - This was the one film I was eagerly anticipating but it turned out to be the biggest disappointment of the day. The idea of the film is good whereby women have become infertile and the youngest person on the planet has just been killed at age 18. The world is going to pot and there seems to be no hope. However despite some decent acting the story just failed to grab me and I ended up not really caring what happened in the end. It wasn't a bad film I guess, just not as good as I expected it to be. It didn't help that Julianne Moore was in it. I really don't like her as an actress and it does seem to colour my judgement for any film she is in, the film has to be very good to overcome the Moore hurdle. She just seems far too earnest or histrionic depending on the situation and it just seems like a little girl pretending to be an actress. Apparently the film industry seems to disagree and she gets nominated for numerous awards. Mind you, Eddie Murphy has been oscar nominated this year so you can't read too much into these things. I'm just grateful Moore only had a small part in Magnolia otherwise she could have ruined that too.
Little Miss Sunshine - Great film and cast, very enjoyable. Notable for the fact that the young girl in it actually gives a good performance, normally you want to slap precocious sprogs in films. There was a danger the film could have got a bit American and schmaltzy but it resisted the temptation well. There were a number of funny parts and it's worth seeing for Olive's dance routine.....
36 - French film starring the two French acting heavyweights Gerard Depardieu (which is a great name to say, makes you feel French) and Daniel Auteuil. It's been billed as a French Heat and I thought it was just as good. Both play policemen but sometimes the line between cop and criminal is blurred. One thing I like about french films is that quite often the people portrayed aren't pigeon-holed into set roles i.e. good or bad. Whilst this can be ok in certain films, it's more realistic to portray people as mixed/unsure about life and just reacting to situations as they arise.
The Break Up - Better than I expected. Vince Vaughn is always good to watch in these kind of films and Jennifer Aniston was good in her role too. It's maybe a little predictable but as the fourth film in a dvd-a-thon, it's just what you need. The support is criminally underused especially Jason Bateman who is excellent in Arrested Development but is barely on screen. Vince does his usual jobs for the boys and ropes in Jon Favreau as his best mate, it's scary how big he has become. Mind you Vince himself does seem a bit bigger these days too. It's been a long time since Swingers.
There are some funny moments and is worth it if you want something undemanding.
In Remembrance
Beard RIP
04/01/07 to 05/02/07
Loyal Friend & Trusted Facewarmer
Fondly remembered if not by all
04/01/07 to 05/02/07
Loyal Friend & Trusted Facewarmer
Fondly remembered if not by all
Friday 2 February 2007
I'm Not Putting My Hand There
Tomorrow brings us the first games in the 6 nations. I've found myself becoming more and more interested in Rugby over the past few years to the extent that I'm now disappointed to be missing the England Scotland game due to it clashing with the Hibs game. Of course Hibs will always come first, just wish the Scotland game was an hour later.
There does seem to be a lot of social differences between football and rugby. In general it seems that you are either a rugby person or a football person and never the twain shall meet. I'm not sure if this is a Scottish thing or it extends over Britain or even the whole of the world. When I was growing up it was almost like you had to make a choice between the 2 sports. Rugby was viewed as a sport for the posh schools whilst football seemed to be more popular for comprehensives. It's the old upper vs lower class divide updated for the modern day. I was swayed towards football and I had no interest in rugby or egg chasing as it was also known.
It could be that my attitude started to change when I played for the school rugby team in my final year. I'd gone to a rugby meeting on a Friday to speak to the coach for a school newspaper article, before I knew it I was starting in the second row the next morning. Due to my complete lack of knowledge for the rules of rugby I did give away numerous fouls (What do you mean I'm offside? There are loads of defenders in front of me) but it was enjoyable so I played another few games.
I now appreciate rugby and actually have a half decent understanding of it now so it could be that I'm starting to break down social barriers. Of course, a number of people I know now do seem to appreciate both so maybe I'm just talking a load of nonsense! I'm pretty sure they all still have a preference though.
Anyway back to the 6 nations. Ireland are the favourites and look a good shout. Hopefully Scotland can create a few surprises though. There is still a perception that Scotland are rubbish especially by English pundits. This is despite beating England & France last year. If we do manage to get a win at Twickenham tomorrow who know what might happen.
Come on the Scots!
There does seem to be a lot of social differences between football and rugby. In general it seems that you are either a rugby person or a football person and never the twain shall meet. I'm not sure if this is a Scottish thing or it extends over Britain or even the whole of the world. When I was growing up it was almost like you had to make a choice between the 2 sports. Rugby was viewed as a sport for the posh schools whilst football seemed to be more popular for comprehensives. It's the old upper vs lower class divide updated for the modern day. I was swayed towards football and I had no interest in rugby or egg chasing as it was also known.
It could be that my attitude started to change when I played for the school rugby team in my final year. I'd gone to a rugby meeting on a Friday to speak to the coach for a school newspaper article, before I knew it I was starting in the second row the next morning. Due to my complete lack of knowledge for the rules of rugby I did give away numerous fouls (What do you mean I'm offside? There are loads of defenders in front of me) but it was enjoyable so I played another few games.
I now appreciate rugby and actually have a half decent understanding of it now so it could be that I'm starting to break down social barriers. Of course, a number of people I know now do seem to appreciate both so maybe I'm just talking a load of nonsense! I'm pretty sure they all still have a preference though.
Anyway back to the 6 nations. Ireland are the favourites and look a good shout. Hopefully Scotland can create a few surprises though. There is still a perception that Scotland are rubbish especially by English pundits. This is despite beating England & France last year. If we do manage to get a win at Twickenham tomorrow who know what might happen.
Come on the Scots!
Thursday 1 February 2007
I Had A Semi Last Night
Jeez, Hibs like to do things the hard way. As I predicted on my earlier post things didn't quite go to plan in the semi. Started off so well, cruising at 1-0 up after 3 minutes and then it all seemed to fall apart quicker than Michael Jackson.
We started to get bullied and completely lost our way, worst Hibs performance I've seen for a while. It's was no surprise when St Johnstone scored and I really thought it was going to be another depressing semi final defeat. However Hibs class showed in extra time and we ground out a 3-1 win.
It was more relief than happiness I felt after the game. Still we are in a final so I guess the manner of the performance shouldn't matter. One of the problems for Hibs though is that the fans are never happy unless we win with style. All Hibs fans have been brought up in the tradition of passing, attacking football. We don't want to see our side grind out wins week after week, we'd be no better than Hearts if we do that....
It's the Cavaliers against the Roundheads to quote Aiden Smith (who I actually saw in the pub last night) . Let's hope it's back to normal soon.
Special bitterness mention to Owen Coyle, St Johnstone manager. For our third goal, Benji "accidentally" tripped up there defender before scoring. This was no worse than their players had spent all game doing (witness two footed tackles, off the ball kicks etc) but Coyle chose to criticise Benji after the game. That wasp he was chewing must have been very bitter.
Anyway roll on March 18th. Let's hope Hibs actually win a trophy so they can live up to all the hype that surrounds us. Now where did I put that green hair dye.....
We started to get bullied and completely lost our way, worst Hibs performance I've seen for a while. It's was no surprise when St Johnstone scored and I really thought it was going to be another depressing semi final defeat. However Hibs class showed in extra time and we ground out a 3-1 win.
It was more relief than happiness I felt after the game. Still we are in a final so I guess the manner of the performance shouldn't matter. One of the problems for Hibs though is that the fans are never happy unless we win with style. All Hibs fans have been brought up in the tradition of passing, attacking football. We don't want to see our side grind out wins week after week, we'd be no better than Hearts if we do that....
It's the Cavaliers against the Roundheads to quote Aiden Smith (who I actually saw in the pub last night) . Let's hope it's back to normal soon.
Special bitterness mention to Owen Coyle, St Johnstone manager. For our third goal, Benji "accidentally" tripped up there defender before scoring. This was no worse than their players had spent all game doing (witness two footed tackles, off the ball kicks etc) but Coyle chose to criticise Benji after the game. That wasp he was chewing must have been very bitter.
Anyway roll on March 18th. Let's hope Hibs actually win a trophy so they can live up to all the hype that surrounds us. Now where did I put that green hair dye.....
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