How things change. After all the beard abuse at the weekend, I am now getting encouraged to keep the beard by my work colleagues! Make up your mind.
Red Nose Day is officially launched today for sometime in March and it seems that my beard is the main focus of fundraising attempts. The main idea is for me to keep growing it and then get it shaved off by someone on Red Nose Day. To be honest, I don't really like the thought of someone else shaving my beard. It would be fine if it was a proper barber but I suspect they will try to get someone from work to do it, possibly even raffling it off. Not a good idea, someone with no experience of shaving beards having a razor at my throat? No thank you, don't want to have red neck day.
Now, I don't want to be a party pooper but people should have thought about this before launching the Hate The Beard Campaign. With the benefit of hindsight I'm sure my colleagues would agree that praising the beard would be a better way of encouraging me to join in the fundraising activities.
Sounds like their bitterness will come back to haunt them........
Of course if I do shave the beard off I will just look mean. I can already hear the comments "But it was for charity..." It's just another form of peer pressure.
I guess it's something for me to ponder when I decide on the future of the beard.
Thanks to everyone else who posted messages of support, not really sure I like the idea of hanging outside schools pretending to be a Russian Santa. If I'm not careful where I do it then I could be getting arrested by Sarah! Not sure if I'll be able to explain that one away.....
On a different note, what is it about signing for the Old Firm that turns footballers into drivelling sycophantic idiots? Witness the latest miscreant, Kevin Thomson. Self confessed Hibs fan for his whole life signed for Rangers and immediately said it had been his dream to play for a big club like Rangers, the only team he wanted to play for. This is the same guy who repeatedly said it was his dream to play for Hibs, to captain Hibs, to play in Europe for Hibs and to try and win a trophy for Hibs.
Do they inject players with a special Hun gene when they sign or is it just a side effect of spending too much time in Glasgow? Of course it's more likely that footballers lose of ideas of principles and morals when the Gruesome Twosome come knocking at the door waving loads of cash.
I'm sure Thomson will be given a special welcome when he comes back to ER. You can't say it won't be well deserved.......
Wednesday 31 January 2007
Tuesday 30 January 2007
Teabag
I'm starting to get excited & nervous. This time tomorrow I will be preparing to go to Hibs biggest game of the season so far, the CIS cup semi final against St Johnstone. On the face of it, the stage is set for a Hibs win. On our day we can play the best football in the country, St Johnstone are a lower division team and what better way to get to a final than to play the semi at the home of our biggest rivals. All this should add up to a great night.
However (and this is a big however) Hibs and cups just don't go together. Out last cup win was the Skol Cup in 1991, I won't even go into details on the holy grail of the Scottish Cup. Whenever it looks like Hibs may actually win a trophy then we do our best to mess it up. Witness 2004. 40,000 Hibs fans make the trip to Glasgow full of expectations of a glorious cup win. After all we had beaten both Rangers & Celtic on our way to the final and all that stood in out way were little Livingston who were having severe financial differences. Easy right? Wrong, Hibs never really turned up and were well beaten. Cue 40,000 depressed Hibs fans on journey home along the M8.
I've lost count of the similar number of semi & final depressing experiences I've had following Hibs. As a pointer to tomorrow's game, we played lower league Ayr Utd in the semi final a few years ago. It was probably the worst performance I have ever seen and we were beaten 1-0 after extra time. It's the only time I have left a game before the final whistle. As such I am taking nothing for granted about tomorrow's game. I really hope we can win but who knows what Hibs will do. They don't like to make it easy and it can be a bit of a torturous life as a Hibby. Wouldn't change it though, will always support them through thick and thin (the bobby years, first time thin has been used beside bobby)
If Collins can get the team motivated then we should win. We are frustratingly inconsistent though, even within the same game. At the end of the day there isn't much I can do but to sit there and try and sing the team to victory.
All together now:
"We hate Glasgow Rangers, We hate Celtic too....."
However (and this is a big however) Hibs and cups just don't go together. Out last cup win was the Skol Cup in 1991, I won't even go into details on the holy grail of the Scottish Cup. Whenever it looks like Hibs may actually win a trophy then we do our best to mess it up. Witness 2004. 40,000 Hibs fans make the trip to Glasgow full of expectations of a glorious cup win. After all we had beaten both Rangers & Celtic on our way to the final and all that stood in out way were little Livingston who were having severe financial differences. Easy right? Wrong, Hibs never really turned up and were well beaten. Cue 40,000 depressed Hibs fans on journey home along the M8.
I've lost count of the similar number of semi & final depressing experiences I've had following Hibs. As a pointer to tomorrow's game, we played lower league Ayr Utd in the semi final a few years ago. It was probably the worst performance I have ever seen and we were beaten 1-0 after extra time. It's the only time I have left a game before the final whistle. As such I am taking nothing for granted about tomorrow's game. I really hope we can win but who knows what Hibs will do. They don't like to make it easy and it can be a bit of a torturous life as a Hibby. Wouldn't change it though, will always support them through thick and thin (the bobby years, first time thin has been used beside bobby)
If Collins can get the team motivated then we should win. We are frustratingly inconsistent though, even within the same game. At the end of the day there isn't much I can do but to sit there and try and sing the team to victory.
All together now:
"We hate Glasgow Rangers, We hate Celtic too....."
Monday 29 January 2007
New Adventures In Beard
I know I have posted before about the negative comments on my beard but Friday night was as bad as it has been. Had gone out for a few drinks after work and now realise that mixing women, alcohol and beards is a bad idea. Guys don't seem bothered about beards but women have very strong feelings and aren't shy about sharing them. I did have a couple of positive comments although one of them did continue by saying it looked better when it was shorter which did cancel out the impact a little.
The negative comments were quite amusing though. A selection is as follows:
You look better without a beard.
Beards are horrible.
Hairy men freak me out.
You look like you should be hanging outside schools.
You look like santa or a russian.
I've decided not to take these personally otherwise I could be crying myself to sleep at nights. I do wonder if women have had some bad beard experiences they don't want to talk about that have provoked such strong feelings of hatred. The beard even got grabbed at one point and I was asked "what is this all about".
It's the first time the beard has been subject to violence. It's also been suggested I have the beard so that I am the centre of attention. Not sure I agree with that but it did seem to be true on Friday.
It's certainly given me some food for thought regarding the future of the beard. Stay tuned for further updates.
The weekend did also tell me that maybe it's time I stopped drinking on Friday & Saturday. It's not often I do this but I'm getting a bit old to spend most of the weekend hungover. It's always fun going out drinking but the spaced out feeling I get the next day isn't conducive for studying or exercise both of which I should be doing. My 30th is approaching rapidly so maybe it's time to act my age.
The negative comments were quite amusing though. A selection is as follows:
You look better without a beard.
Beards are horrible.
Hairy men freak me out.
You look like you should be hanging outside schools.
You look like santa or a russian.
I've decided not to take these personally otherwise I could be crying myself to sleep at nights. I do wonder if women have had some bad beard experiences they don't want to talk about that have provoked such strong feelings of hatred. The beard even got grabbed at one point and I was asked "what is this all about".
It's the first time the beard has been subject to violence. It's also been suggested I have the beard so that I am the centre of attention. Not sure I agree with that but it did seem to be true on Friday.
It's certainly given me some food for thought regarding the future of the beard. Stay tuned for further updates.
The weekend did also tell me that maybe it's time I stopped drinking on Friday & Saturday. It's not often I do this but I'm getting a bit old to spend most of the weekend hungover. It's always fun going out drinking but the spaced out feeling I get the next day isn't conducive for studying or exercise both of which I should be doing. My 30th is approaching rapidly so maybe it's time to act my age.
Friday 26 January 2007
Return of the Grizzly
In my previous post on beards, I talked about the peer pressure I face regarding keeping my beard. True to form, the following comment was posted:
"please, please, please shave it off"
This seems to sum up my point rather well and the post was left anonymously. Show yourself! Have the courage of your convictions, stand up and be counted!
The beard is staying. Beards have their place in society and I intend to uphold this fine tradition. If Hibs manage to beat St Johnstone in the CIS semi final next week, I may even keep it until the Final in March and then dye it green..........
The winner of my football haiku competition is Scott. His haiku's were good but it probably helped his case that no one else entered. Well done that man. The Rangers one was best, this is due to the Murray Does Wheelies line.
"please, please, please shave it off"
This seems to sum up my point rather well and the post was left anonymously. Show yourself! Have the courage of your convictions, stand up and be counted!
The beard is staying. Beards have their place in society and I intend to uphold this fine tradition. If Hibs manage to beat St Johnstone in the CIS semi final next week, I may even keep it until the Final in March and then dye it green..........
The winner of my football haiku competition is Scott. His haiku's were good but it probably helped his case that no one else entered. Well done that man. The Rangers one was best, this is due to the Murray Does Wheelies line.
Wednesday 24 January 2007
Now Then Young Man
This week I have mostly been:
- Listening to 9 by Damian Rice. It's ace. If you liked O then you will like 9. It took me a few listens to appreciate it but I've been listening to it all the time this week. I particularly like the song Rootless Tree, he seems a bit angry.....
- Reading The Damned United by David Peace. This is based on Brian Clough's 44 days in charge of Leeds Utd in the 70's. It's told through Clough, split between what is happening at Leeds and also reviewing his past up until that point. It's fiction (obviously only Clough could have told us what he was thinking) but Peace does a really good job of making it seem like you are in the head of Clough as he battles his demons. He does seem to have a real hatred of Leeds Utd and what they stand for. Unsurprisingly the players don't take to him. A very well written book about football, there aren't many of them about.
- Watching Rocky Balboa. Whilst it's probably more Rocky 5 than Rocky it's still an enjoyable film to watch. I felt it dragged a bit in the middle and it does completely gloss over the fact that he wasn't supposed to box again or he might die. However it is well done (it's quite topical in so far that Heavyweight boxing is in a bit of a crisis due to credible champions) and you can't help but get excited when the Rocky music kick's in and he starts training. Stallone must have put in a lot of work for the film as not only did he write and direct, he also got himself in incredible shape for a 60 year old.
- Listening to 9 by Damian Rice. It's ace. If you liked O then you will like 9. It took me a few listens to appreciate it but I've been listening to it all the time this week. I particularly like the song Rootless Tree, he seems a bit angry.....
- Reading The Damned United by David Peace. This is based on Brian Clough's 44 days in charge of Leeds Utd in the 70's. It's told through Clough, split between what is happening at Leeds and also reviewing his past up until that point. It's fiction (obviously only Clough could have told us what he was thinking) but Peace does a really good job of making it seem like you are in the head of Clough as he battles his demons. He does seem to have a real hatred of Leeds Utd and what they stand for. Unsurprisingly the players don't take to him. A very well written book about football, there aren't many of them about.
- Watching Rocky Balboa. Whilst it's probably more Rocky 5 than Rocky it's still an enjoyable film to watch. I felt it dragged a bit in the middle and it does completely gloss over the fact that he wasn't supposed to box again or he might die. However it is well done (it's quite topical in so far that Heavyweight boxing is in a bit of a crisis due to credible champions) and you can't help but get excited when the Rocky music kick's in and he starts training. Stallone must have put in a lot of work for the film as not only did he write and direct, he also got himself in incredible shape for a 60 year old.
Tuesday 23 January 2007
Want That One
The Aston Villa player Lee Hendrie has been accused of insulting a disabled fan. Whilst warming up, Man Utd fans were taunting him so he shouted back. The fan in the wheelchair apparently then said to him "'You're a professional footballer, you should be able to rise above it". Hendrie allegedly responded with "Get up out of your wheelchair"
The fan reported him to the police on the basis that "disabled fans should not be mistreated."
Hendrie has unsurprisingly denied saying it.
Perhaps Hendrie thinks that Little Britain is a documentary and that everyone in wheelchairs can walk. I do find it interesting that the fan specified that disabled fans shouldn't be mistreated. Apparently it's ok to mistreat the able bodied fans then.
This also must be the first ever recorded comment from a fan to an opposition player that didn't include any swear words.
The fan reported him to the police on the basis that "disabled fans should not be mistreated."
Hendrie has unsurprisingly denied saying it.
Perhaps Hendrie thinks that Little Britain is a documentary and that everyone in wheelchairs can walk. I do find it interesting that the fan specified that disabled fans shouldn't be mistreated. Apparently it's ok to mistreat the able bodied fans then.
This also must be the first ever recorded comment from a fan to an opposition player that didn't include any swear words.
Grizzly Adams
I'm currently growing a beard for the first time in years and I'd forgotten just how much a beard can divide opinion. Some people seem to like it but the majority seem to think there is something wrong with me if I want to have a beard. There has been a fair bit of good natured mocking. You do also get a lot more funny looks from people, even strangers in the street. It does take a bit of getting used to.
It just goes to show how much society changes.
Beards used to be a sign of wisdom and virility in certain cultures. If you ever see old painting or photos then pretty much every man has some kind of facial hair. No doubt it was a case that those without facial hair were mocked.
Beards seemed to fall out of fashion during the first world war. Firstly this was due to the use of gas masks as beards prevented them fitting properly onto the face. Secondly it was for reason of hygiene. Many man crowded together in the same place meant disease could be rife including lice so beards were often shaved off.
I guess society has never really accepted beards again since then (apart from religion). Maybe it's up to me to make a stand on behalf of all men to reclaim the beard. Alternatively all the peer pressure will get to me and I'll cave in and shave.
It just goes to show how much society changes.
Beards used to be a sign of wisdom and virility in certain cultures. If you ever see old painting or photos then pretty much every man has some kind of facial hair. No doubt it was a case that those without facial hair were mocked.
Beards seemed to fall out of fashion during the first world war. Firstly this was due to the use of gas masks as beards prevented them fitting properly onto the face. Secondly it was for reason of hygiene. Many man crowded together in the same place meant disease could be rife including lice so beards were often shaved off.
I guess society has never really accepted beards again since then (apart from religion). Maybe it's up to me to make a stand on behalf of all men to reclaim the beard. Alternatively all the peer pressure will get to me and I'll cave in and shave.
Monday 22 January 2007
Nat King
Ain't Wikipedia great. For those of you who haven't used it, Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia which can be updated by anyone who uses it. It can be very useful if you are looking for information on pretty much anything, I found it a great source of information when I was compiling my album of the year notes.
Obviously the entries are open to a little bit of abuse as you can pretty much update anything you like. It's only when something incorrect is brought to the attention of those in charge is it changed.
A couple of examples regarding Hibs players are Rob Jones "found Wales" and Chris Hogg "romantically linked with Eamonn Holmes" (both have since been changed)
However the best example of this was an entry regarding the marriage of Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy. Wikipedia said that it was a marriage of convenience as Cole was homosexual and Tweedy was racist.
Apparently this isn't true so Wikipedia were forced to issue an apology and remove the item from the website.
I'm tempted to update the entry for Gordon Brown. "The only Scot who would rather England won the World Cup than his own homeland."
Obviously the entries are open to a little bit of abuse as you can pretty much update anything you like. It's only when something incorrect is brought to the attention of those in charge is it changed.
A couple of examples regarding Hibs players are Rob Jones "found Wales" and Chris Hogg "romantically linked with Eamonn Holmes" (both have since been changed)
However the best example of this was an entry regarding the marriage of Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy. Wikipedia said that it was a marriage of convenience as Cole was homosexual and Tweedy was racist.
Apparently this isn't true so Wikipedia were forced to issue an apology and remove the item from the website.
I'm tempted to update the entry for Gordon Brown. "The only Scot who would rather England won the World Cup than his own homeland."
Friday 19 January 2007
Sick Flick
This story from America is pretty funny & quite wrong.
An American teen named Timmy was in the house by himself when he decided to download a porno called Horny House Wives 4. He was sitting watching the film when he realised that the couch featuring in the "action" was the same as the couch he was sitting on. This led to the realisation that it was the exact same couch and the stars of the porno were none other than his own parents. To quote his reaction:
"I instantly pulled up my pants and vomited"
I'm thinking that this will be the last porno that Timmy ever downloads.
An American teen named Timmy was in the house by himself when he decided to download a porno called Horny House Wives 4. He was sitting watching the film when he realised that the couch featuring in the "action" was the same as the couch he was sitting on. This led to the realisation that it was the exact same couch and the stars of the porno were none other than his own parents. To quote his reaction:
"I instantly pulled up my pants and vomited"
I'm thinking that this will be the last porno that Timmy ever downloads.
Hibs 0 Bebo 1
Bebo has become quite the internet phenomenon recently amongst younger generations. It's effectively a network site where you can chat to friends and post pictures.
It seems Hibs players have got in on the act as a few of them have their own Bebo sites. Now I realise that there is a fair chance that the sites are fake but a number of footballers are known to use Bebo to speak to fans. The sites I have seen are also ripe for comedy so I'm going to assume they are true!
First up is Scott Brown
"awrite ma name is scott a play for hibernian fc i may get hot headed sometimes when playing against hearts as i hate them so much"
A well written sentance I'm sure you will agree. Bear in mind I haven't edited this. Why waste your time with an education when you can play football.
Next we have Benji who posted this on Brown's site:
"hi Scott! training was hard 2day. remember wen i skined you and everybody was going BENJI BENJI BENJI, it was class. I will see you tomoro"
I love this as it makes benji sounds as if he is 9 years old and has been playing football with his mates in the park. Based on his tantrum at Aberdeen last week this may not be that wide of the mark.
Finally we have Kevin Thomson:
"Happiest When Playing For Hibs"
Is the guy that deluded? He has spent the last 2 months talking himself up for a move and writing a travesty of a column in the tabloids complaining about Hibs. He has even been quoted as saying he wants to leave Hibs in January and move to Celtic. Not the actions of someone who is happiest when playing for Hibs.
"My Best Pal At Hibs Has To Be Scott Brown, he Has Been My Best Pal Here Since I Joined. "
Those of you who are familiar with Hibs will be aware that Brown and Thomson seem to come as a package deal. Indeed they are often referred to as the twins on hibs fans sites. This merely backs that up. I'm only surprised that Thomson doesn't continue with We have lots of fun when living together and sometimes when it's cold at night we huddle up in bed together just like bert and ernie from sesame street which we watch when we come back from training.
Scott Brown has even posted a picture he apparently drew. It's a flag with Kev & Scott Best Mates written on it...........
None of this does the individuals any favours really but as I said, it makes for some good comedy. Even if it isn't real, it's still pretty funny.
It seems Hibs players have got in on the act as a few of them have their own Bebo sites. Now I realise that there is a fair chance that the sites are fake but a number of footballers are known to use Bebo to speak to fans. The sites I have seen are also ripe for comedy so I'm going to assume they are true!
First up is Scott Brown
"awrite ma name is scott a play for hibernian fc i may get hot headed sometimes when playing against hearts as i hate them so much"
A well written sentance I'm sure you will agree. Bear in mind I haven't edited this. Why waste your time with an education when you can play football.
Next we have Benji who posted this on Brown's site:
"hi Scott! training was hard 2day. remember wen i skined you and everybody was going BENJI BENJI BENJI, it was class. I will see you tomoro"
I love this as it makes benji sounds as if he is 9 years old and has been playing football with his mates in the park. Based on his tantrum at Aberdeen last week this may not be that wide of the mark.
Finally we have Kevin Thomson:
"Happiest When Playing For Hibs"
Is the guy that deluded? He has spent the last 2 months talking himself up for a move and writing a travesty of a column in the tabloids complaining about Hibs. He has even been quoted as saying he wants to leave Hibs in January and move to Celtic. Not the actions of someone who is happiest when playing for Hibs.
"My Best Pal At Hibs Has To Be Scott Brown, he Has Been My Best Pal Here Since I Joined. "
Those of you who are familiar with Hibs will be aware that Brown and Thomson seem to come as a package deal. Indeed they are often referred to as the twins on hibs fans sites. This merely backs that up. I'm only surprised that Thomson doesn't continue with We have lots of fun when living together and sometimes when it's cold at night we huddle up in bed together just like bert and ernie from sesame street which we watch when we come back from training.
Scott Brown has even posted a picture he apparently drew. It's a flag with Kev & Scott Best Mates written on it...........
None of this does the individuals any favours really but as I said, it makes for some good comedy. Even if it isn't real, it's still pretty funny.
Thursday 18 January 2007
Competition Time
It's time for my first Scottish football post. Some things that have caught my interest recently:
The New Celtic Signing Policy:
Do you play for Hibs?
Alternatively Did you play for Rangers and get emptied for not being good enough?
If the answer is yes to either question then it's pretty much guaranteed you will be modelling hoops very soon.
Craig Brewster Injury:
I think Brewster has done very well to still be an effective player at the age of 40 but is it not time for him to retire? If you didn't see what happened he stumbled over with no one near him, put his hands out to stop hitting the ground face first and ended up dislocating his shoulder. It was like watching an old man with a walking stick tripping over a loose paving stone! He fell the way you would expect anyone to fall but surely a professional footballer shouldn't be dislocating his shoulder. What's next? A broken hip from falling off a seat?
In true off the ball fashion I think it's time for a competition. Can you compose a Japanese haiku verse regarding a Scottish football team? Basically it's a 3 line verse, 1st line has 5 syllables, 2nd line has 7 syllables, 3rd line has 5 syllables. (For any haiku enthusiasts who may be reading, i appreciate that this isn't strictly the correct definition but it's close enough for SPL purposes). Here are a few examples:
Rangers:
exit diddy paul
too many foreign numpties
return traitor walt
Hearts:
romanov circus
constantly change line up
kick and rush pub team
Hibs:
free flowing football
effervescent young players
jc leads the way
Aberdeen:
one dimensional
big fat orange tango man
why are they so high?
Celtic:
display arrogance
buy other team best players
left to rot in stand
Best entry wins..........my respect and a special mention on a later post...............
Go on, you know you want to.....
The New Celtic Signing Policy:
Do you play for Hibs?
Alternatively Did you play for Rangers and get emptied for not being good enough?
If the answer is yes to either question then it's pretty much guaranteed you will be modelling hoops very soon.
Craig Brewster Injury:
I think Brewster has done very well to still be an effective player at the age of 40 but is it not time for him to retire? If you didn't see what happened he stumbled over with no one near him, put his hands out to stop hitting the ground face first and ended up dislocating his shoulder. It was like watching an old man with a walking stick tripping over a loose paving stone! He fell the way you would expect anyone to fall but surely a professional footballer shouldn't be dislocating his shoulder. What's next? A broken hip from falling off a seat?
In true off the ball fashion I think it's time for a competition. Can you compose a Japanese haiku verse regarding a Scottish football team? Basically it's a 3 line verse, 1st line has 5 syllables, 2nd line has 7 syllables, 3rd line has 5 syllables. (For any haiku enthusiasts who may be reading, i appreciate that this isn't strictly the correct definition but it's close enough for SPL purposes). Here are a few examples:
Rangers:
exit diddy paul
too many foreign numpties
return traitor walt
Hearts:
romanov circus
constantly change line up
kick and rush pub team
Hibs:
free flowing football
effervescent young players
jc leads the way
Aberdeen:
one dimensional
big fat orange tango man
why are they so high?
Celtic:
display arrogance
buy other team best players
left to rot in stand
Best entry wins..........my respect and a special mention on a later post...............
Go on, you know you want to.....
Wednesday 17 January 2007
Supermarket Sweep
I'd like to share with you something strange which happened to me last night. I had gone to Lidl on the way home to get some food and I was waiting in the queue at the checkout. In front of me there was an older woman who kept turning round and staring at me. Unsurprisingly I found this quite disconcerting and the longer it went on, the more freaked out I became. I'm not the sort of guy who will say something so I just tried to ignore it. However I was starting to think that maybe there was something wrong with my beard. Just as I was about to bring my hand up to my face to check on my beard, the woman came over to me and said "I hope you don't think that I'm rude, but there is a reason why I have been staring at you. Last year I lost my son in a car accident and you look just like him, it's uncanny"
Well I was a bit taken aback by this and gave my condolences for the loss of her son hoping it would be the last of it. She then pulled a photo out of her purse and showed it to me saying "This is a photo of him, can you see the likeness?"
I looked down expecting to see someone who did look a bit like me but the guy in the photo showed no resemblance, he even had different coloured hair! By now I had start to twig that this woman maybe wasn't the full shilling and these situations can have a habit of getting out of control so I just said OK. She then continued with "I hope you don't mind but I was wondering if I could ask you a big favour. I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to my son and I'm finding that very difficult to cope with. As I'm leaving would it be ok for you to say Goodbye Mum to me?"
At this point I'm thinking that I just want rid of her and wondering why I seem to attract these kind of people. Probably because I sometimes shop in Lidl which isn't the most salubrious of shops, maybe I should stick to Tesco. In order not to rock the boat I said "Well sure, I guess I can say that" wondering what harm it could do. She thanked me and then went through the checkout as it was her turn. I watched her pack all of her groceries in her bag and put them into her trolley. As she finished she turned to me and said "Goodbye Son". That was my cue so I replied with "Goodbye Mum" silently thanking the fact that it was all over.
It was my turn at the checkout so the cashier put my food through then turned to me and said "That's £104 please."
"That can't be right" I replied "I only have a few items of food probably £20 worth"
"That's right but your Mum in front said that you would pay for her groceries too"
"But she isn't my Mum! You can't just assume that"
"I heard you call her Mum as she was leaving"
By this point I was getting very angry. I looked out into the car park and I saw she was just finishing putting the groceries into the car. I told the cashier I'd be back in a minute as I had to speak to my "mum" and I ran out into the car park. I shouted after her to stop and she looked up and saw me running across the car park. A look of panic crossed her face and she quickly tried to jump into her car and drive away. However she wasn't fast enough and I dived towards the car and grabbed her leg which hadn't made it into the door. I got a good hold and I pulled the leg.....................................
.......just like I'm pulling yours.
While I'd like to take credit for this story, it's actually from the Tom Waits box set Orphans.
Well I was a bit taken aback by this and gave my condolences for the loss of her son hoping it would be the last of it. She then pulled a photo out of her purse and showed it to me saying "This is a photo of him, can you see the likeness?"
I looked down expecting to see someone who did look a bit like me but the guy in the photo showed no resemblance, he even had different coloured hair! By now I had start to twig that this woman maybe wasn't the full shilling and these situations can have a habit of getting out of control so I just said OK. She then continued with "I hope you don't mind but I was wondering if I could ask you a big favour. I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to my son and I'm finding that very difficult to cope with. As I'm leaving would it be ok for you to say Goodbye Mum to me?"
At this point I'm thinking that I just want rid of her and wondering why I seem to attract these kind of people. Probably because I sometimes shop in Lidl which isn't the most salubrious of shops, maybe I should stick to Tesco. In order not to rock the boat I said "Well sure, I guess I can say that" wondering what harm it could do. She thanked me and then went through the checkout as it was her turn. I watched her pack all of her groceries in her bag and put them into her trolley. As she finished she turned to me and said "Goodbye Son". That was my cue so I replied with "Goodbye Mum" silently thanking the fact that it was all over.
It was my turn at the checkout so the cashier put my food through then turned to me and said "That's £104 please."
"That can't be right" I replied "I only have a few items of food probably £20 worth"
"That's right but your Mum in front said that you would pay for her groceries too"
"But she isn't my Mum! You can't just assume that"
"I heard you call her Mum as she was leaving"
By this point I was getting very angry. I looked out into the car park and I saw she was just finishing putting the groceries into the car. I told the cashier I'd be back in a minute as I had to speak to my "mum" and I ran out into the car park. I shouted after her to stop and she looked up and saw me running across the car park. A look of panic crossed her face and she quickly tried to jump into her car and drive away. However she wasn't fast enough and I dived towards the car and grabbed her leg which hadn't made it into the door. I got a good hold and I pulled the leg.....................................
.......just like I'm pulling yours.
While I'd like to take credit for this story, it's actually from the Tom Waits box set Orphans.
Glory Glory
Just what you always wanted to see. The Proclaimers singing "Glory Glory To The Hibees":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgS-W2HGT64&NR
There is even a guy in a Hibs top in the crowd.
I think we should get the Proclaimers to do this before big games at Easter Road!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgS-W2HGT64&NR
There is even a guy in a Hibs top in the crowd.
I think we should get the Proclaimers to do this before big games at Easter Road!
Tuesday 16 January 2007
The Knives Are Out
Ever wanted to be a knife thrower and have blair or bush as your target?
Just click on the below link to sample the surprisingly addictive game:
http://www.mousebreaker.com/games/knifethrow2/play.php
Just be sure to aim for the targets and not the head......
Just click on the below link to sample the surprisingly addictive game:
http://www.mousebreaker.com/games/knifethrow2/play.php
Just be sure to aim for the targets and not the head......
The Thistle & The Rose
It's the 300th anniversary of the Union between Scotland and England. I did wonder what the tercentenary gift would be if 50th is Golden. Perhaps the bar is raised as far as unicorn horn? In fact the anniversary is being marked by.....the release of a special £2 coin. Wow, can't think of anything more special.
It's an interesting time for the 300th anniversary with the country as divided on matter as it ever has been since the Union was first set up in 1707. Opinion polls seem to suggest a high level of support for the SNP but not all of these people would vote for Independence. The Government are being vocal on their backing for the Union but this could just be posturing for the English who do make up the majority of the UK. Interestingly Blair did say that he felt an English parliament wasn't necessary and having 2 different classes of MP's would be unworkable. This is exactly the situation we have in Scotland with MP's and MSP's and while it isn't unworkable there is an element of redundancy with the Scottish Parliament. It could be that a referendum is the next step for Scotland especially if the SNP have a strong showing in the next election.
There is a famous quote from the former Canadian prime minister Pierre Trudeau to an American audience. "living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant: no matter how friendly and even-tempered the beast, one is affected by every twitch and grunt".
This could apply equally to the Scottish attitude towards the English. The situation isn't helped by Britain seeming to be geared towards the English with the media especially being guilty of this.
Whatever happens it may be unlikely that there will be another 300 years of the Union. In fact things may well change in the next few years.
On a lighter, vaguely related note, it seems as if Scotland has a new famous resident. Bob Dylan has bought a mansion in the Cairngorms National Park to cement his recent love of the country. His song Highlands details this but I think he has been interested in Scotland for a long time as his tracks Blowing In The Wind & A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall seem to sum up our weather rather well.
It seems Dylan isn't well received by everyone as Simon Cowell (he of the high trousers and crap factor fame) recently said that Dylan songs bore him to tears and that he wants to plug his ears and run in the other direction. Surely that is most people's reaction to any bland dirge that one of his "talents" inflicts on us.
It's an interesting time for the 300th anniversary with the country as divided on matter as it ever has been since the Union was first set up in 1707. Opinion polls seem to suggest a high level of support for the SNP but not all of these people would vote for Independence. The Government are being vocal on their backing for the Union but this could just be posturing for the English who do make up the majority of the UK. Interestingly Blair did say that he felt an English parliament wasn't necessary and having 2 different classes of MP's would be unworkable. This is exactly the situation we have in Scotland with MP's and MSP's and while it isn't unworkable there is an element of redundancy with the Scottish Parliament. It could be that a referendum is the next step for Scotland especially if the SNP have a strong showing in the next election.
There is a famous quote from the former Canadian prime minister Pierre Trudeau to an American audience. "living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant: no matter how friendly and even-tempered the beast, one is affected by every twitch and grunt".
This could apply equally to the Scottish attitude towards the English. The situation isn't helped by Britain seeming to be geared towards the English with the media especially being guilty of this.
Whatever happens it may be unlikely that there will be another 300 years of the Union. In fact things may well change in the next few years.
On a lighter, vaguely related note, it seems as if Scotland has a new famous resident. Bob Dylan has bought a mansion in the Cairngorms National Park to cement his recent love of the country. His song Highlands details this but I think he has been interested in Scotland for a long time as his tracks Blowing In The Wind & A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall seem to sum up our weather rather well.
It seems Dylan isn't well received by everyone as Simon Cowell (he of the high trousers and crap factor fame) recently said that Dylan songs bore him to tears and that he wants to plug his ears and run in the other direction. Surely that is most people's reaction to any bland dirge that one of his "talents" inflicts on us.
Monday 15 January 2007
He Put In A Good Shift
If you have been directed to my blog via Scott's then you may have seen that I am not a big fan of Paul Dickov. I'd like to take this opportunity to explain my hatred.
I have nothing against Dickov personally but surely there can't be any other player who has spent as long playing in the premiership with so little talent. When he played for Scotland it used to annoy me intensely as he just wasn't good enough. I admit Scotland aren't blessed with great striking talent but to play an ageing dwarf rather than a promising youngster who may actually have some talent just seemed to beggar belief. However this was the Berti Vogts era so maybe it's not that much of a surprise. This is the same McVogts who substituted Gary Holt in the second half against France despite only bringing him on at half time as he "got confused and meant to take someone else off" Brilliant.
Anyway the one thing you always hear about Dickov is that he put in a good shift. Surely this is the worst thing you can say about a striker as loosely translated it means "he doesn't have any talent but he ran about a lot" This is not what I want for a striker, especially one playing for Scotland. Bizarrely he does seem to be rated in the Premiership although I'm beginning to think that he inspires sympathy due to his stunted growth and lack of footballing ability. That is why teams sign him instead of someone who may actually be effective.
I'm sure he is a nice person though....
I have nothing against Dickov personally but surely there can't be any other player who has spent as long playing in the premiership with so little talent. When he played for Scotland it used to annoy me intensely as he just wasn't good enough. I admit Scotland aren't blessed with great striking talent but to play an ageing dwarf rather than a promising youngster who may actually have some talent just seemed to beggar belief. However this was the Berti Vogts era so maybe it's not that much of a surprise. This is the same McVogts who substituted Gary Holt in the second half against France despite only bringing him on at half time as he "got confused and meant to take someone else off" Brilliant.
Anyway the one thing you always hear about Dickov is that he put in a good shift. Surely this is the worst thing you can say about a striker as loosely translated it means "he doesn't have any talent but he ran about a lot" This is not what I want for a striker, especially one playing for Scotland. Bizarrely he does seem to be rated in the Premiership although I'm beginning to think that he inspires sympathy due to his stunted growth and lack of footballing ability. That is why teams sign him instead of someone who may actually be effective.
I'm sure he is a nice person though....
It's The End Of The World As We Know It & I Feel Fine....
I recently watched the An Inconvenient Truth which is a presentation by Al Gore on the climate crisis. It's probably the scariest non horror film you will see this year....
It seems that climate is changing dramatically and it could have a severe effect on the world as we know it. One of the main points to come through is:
It seems that climate is changing dramatically and it could have a severe effect on the world as we know it. One of the main points to come through is:
- The carbon concentration of the atmosphere is higher than it has ever been and this results in an increase in temperatures
- This increase is causing the ice shelves in the Arctic and Antarctic to melt and crumble
- If the ice shelves continue to melt at current rate then there is a potential for the global sea levels to rise by more than 20 feet which would devastate coastal areas worldwide where hundreds of millions of people live
Scary stuff indeed. It seems many politicians are doing ostrich impersonations at the moment so it is up to individuals to start trying to reduce their own carbon outputs. Of course with the increasing amounts of fossil fuels and cars in the Far East this may have little overall impact.....
If anyone is interested in reading further here is a link to the website to accompany the film:
http://www.climatecrisis.net/Saturday 13 January 2007
Rod of Iron
For Christmas my brother gave me a book called Screen Burn by Charlie Brooker and it's excellent. Brooker is a TV critic for the Guardian and has a column every Saturday called Screen Burn. This book is a collection of the best of these.
The column seems to be a TV Guide for those people who don't like all the programmes that currently fill the schedules such as reality tv, soaps, antique programmes, chav chat shows etc. As such there are many rants and it is very funny. I particularly like the review of a programme on the life and time of Rod Hull, here is an excerpt:
"The show is rammed with fascinating Hull tidbits, chief among which is the revelation that he had an almighty johnson....And the ladies knew it: that puppeteer tore through more women than Jason Voorhees..... even plump green witch Grotbags asserts that "It was always on offer, and Rod was a man"
This seems wrong on so many levels that I just have to laugh. Does make you wonder if emu was ever involved......
Speaking of childrens tv, here are a few random facts:
The column seems to be a TV Guide for those people who don't like all the programmes that currently fill the schedules such as reality tv, soaps, antique programmes, chav chat shows etc. As such there are many rants and it is very funny. I particularly like the review of a programme on the life and time of Rod Hull, here is an excerpt:
"The show is rammed with fascinating Hull tidbits, chief among which is the revelation that he had an almighty johnson....And the ladies knew it: that puppeteer tore through more women than Jason Voorhees..... even plump green witch Grotbags asserts that "It was always on offer, and Rod was a man"
This seems wrong on so many levels that I just have to laugh. Does make you wonder if emu was ever involved......
Speaking of childrens tv, here are a few random facts:
- The South African version of Sesame Street has a puppet which is HIV-positive.
- In 1997 over 600 Japanese children suffered epileptic fits after watching an episode of Pokeman.
- TV characters who have been accused of being gay by right wing groups include Spongebob Squarepants, Bert & Ernie and Tinkie Winkie
Who said children's TV is safe.......
Friday 12 January 2007
2006 In Review
For my first proper post I thought it would be a good to review my favourite music, books and films from the last year. Scott, if you are reading then yes, this is a “homage” to the idea on your blog. Imitation, flattery and all that. In no particular order:
Books
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke
Historical novel set in the 1800s based on the premise that magic really was part of our history. You really believe that it could be true which shows how well it is written. It’s a doorstopper of a novel but one that is difficult to put down.
The Power of the Dog by Don Winslow
Novel about the drug war over the Mexico/US border and features a number of interlinking stories and characters. Reminiscent of James Ellroy at his best in terms of plot and a very engrossing read.
Divided Kingdom by Rupert Thomson
Britain had been divided into quarters based on personality type by the Government in order to reform society. The story is based on one mans travels through the new kingdom and the people he meets. It sounds a little like a science fiction novel but it doesn’t feel like it when you read it. Very well written and it made me read all of his other books.
Films
The Departed
Latest from Martin Scorsese, based on the Hong Kong film Infernal Affairs. Great police/crime drama with terrific cast. Alec Baldwin is very good in a cameo role (he seems to be the cameo king) but Jack Nicholson is terrific. Worth seeing for his performance alone.
Clerks 2
Kevin Smith’s follow up to well, er, Clerks obviously. It’s 10 years on and what has happened to Randall and Dante? Nothing much, only difference is they are working in Mooby’s. And are in colour.It’s a very funny film, laughed out loud at many parts of it. The summing up of LOTR is great (3 films about walking) and I particularly like the story of pillowpants. Jay & Silent Bob are just as funny as before, Jay’s Silence of the Lamb style dance is probably the scene stealing moment of the film. Can’t wait to watch it again on DVD.
Oldboy
Not strictly a 2006 film but I did watch it last year and loved it. It’s a South Korean film, the second in Park Chan-wook’s Vengeance trilogy although it’s also a stand alone film. It’s psychological thriller with a great plot and some impressive action sequences. It’s not often you see one man armed only with a hammer take on a corridor full of guys.
Music
Cat Power – The Greatest
Great album but didn’t get into it until recently hence it’s non appearance in my album of the year. Not a greatest hits but recorded with members of Al Green’s band who provide great backing to some powerful songs.
Guillemots – Through The Window Pane
Debut album from the Guillemots which was one of the few fresh sounding records I heard. Many bands sound quite derivative but this album had its own sound and some great tracks.
Josh Ritter – The Animal Years
Every track is good on Ritter’s latest album. He is edging closer into Dylan & Springsteen territory but it’s working well for him as it’s his best album yet.
Books
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke
Historical novel set in the 1800s based on the premise that magic really was part of our history. You really believe that it could be true which shows how well it is written. It’s a doorstopper of a novel but one that is difficult to put down.
The Power of the Dog by Don Winslow
Novel about the drug war over the Mexico/US border and features a number of interlinking stories and characters. Reminiscent of James Ellroy at his best in terms of plot and a very engrossing read.
Divided Kingdom by Rupert Thomson
Britain had been divided into quarters based on personality type by the Government in order to reform society. The story is based on one mans travels through the new kingdom and the people he meets. It sounds a little like a science fiction novel but it doesn’t feel like it when you read it. Very well written and it made me read all of his other books.
Films
The Departed
Latest from Martin Scorsese, based on the Hong Kong film Infernal Affairs. Great police/crime drama with terrific cast. Alec Baldwin is very good in a cameo role (he seems to be the cameo king) but Jack Nicholson is terrific. Worth seeing for his performance alone.
Clerks 2
Kevin Smith’s follow up to well, er, Clerks obviously. It’s 10 years on and what has happened to Randall and Dante? Nothing much, only difference is they are working in Mooby’s. And are in colour.It’s a very funny film, laughed out loud at many parts of it. The summing up of LOTR is great (3 films about walking) and I particularly like the story of pillowpants. Jay & Silent Bob are just as funny as before, Jay’s Silence of the Lamb style dance is probably the scene stealing moment of the film. Can’t wait to watch it again on DVD.
Oldboy
Not strictly a 2006 film but I did watch it last year and loved it. It’s a South Korean film, the second in Park Chan-wook’s Vengeance trilogy although it’s also a stand alone film. It’s psychological thriller with a great plot and some impressive action sequences. It’s not often you see one man armed only with a hammer take on a corridor full of guys.
Music
Cat Power – The Greatest
Great album but didn’t get into it until recently hence it’s non appearance in my album of the year. Not a greatest hits but recorded with members of Al Green’s band who provide great backing to some powerful songs.
Guillemots – Through The Window Pane
Debut album from the Guillemots which was one of the few fresh sounding records I heard. Many bands sound quite derivative but this album had its own sound and some great tracks.
Josh Ritter – The Animal Years
Every track is good on Ritter’s latest album. He is edging closer into Dylan & Springsteen territory but it’s working well for him as it’s his best album yet.
Thursday 11 January 2007
What's That Coming Over The Hill?
Greetings and welcome to my blog
I've thought about doing this for a while and I've decided it's time to take the plunge. It may be that I'm following in the footsteps of Scott and Alan (despite Alan's lack of recent posts) but then I never claimed to be original. Still, stealing ideas never did Oasis any harm.
I envisage my blog primarily being a place for the following:
1) Random musings.
2) Recommendations of music, books and dvd's that I think people may like.
However don't be surprised to find the occasional rant (no doubt inspired by scottish football) or random Hibs chat.
In case you are wondering S37 is my seat at ER.
Have fun and happy reading
I've thought about doing this for a while and I've decided it's time to take the plunge. It may be that I'm following in the footsteps of Scott and Alan (despite Alan's lack of recent posts) but then I never claimed to be original. Still, stealing ideas never did Oasis any harm.
I envisage my blog primarily being a place for the following:
1) Random musings.
2) Recommendations of music, books and dvd's that I think people may like.
However don't be surprised to find the occasional rant (no doubt inspired by scottish football) or random Hibs chat.
In case you are wondering S37 is my seat at ER.
Have fun and happy reading
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