Supermarket Sweep

I'd like to share with you something strange which happened to me last night. I had gone to Lidl on the way home to get some food and I was waiting in the queue at the checkout. In front of me there was an older woman who kept turning round and staring at me. Unsurprisingly I found this quite disconcerting and the longer it went on, the more freaked out I became. I'm not the sort of guy who will say something so I just tried to ignore it. However I was starting to think that maybe there was something wrong with my beard. Just as I was about to bring my hand up to my face to check on my beard, the woman came over to me and said "I hope you don't think that I'm rude, but there is a reason why I have been staring at you. Last year I lost my son in a car accident and you look just like him, it's uncanny"
Well I was a bit taken aback by this and gave my condolences for the loss of her son hoping it would be the last of it. She then pulled a photo out of her purse and showed it to me saying "This is a photo of him, can you see the likeness?"
I looked down expecting to see someone who did look a bit like me but the guy in the photo showed no resemblance, he even had different coloured hair! By now I had start to twig that this woman maybe wasn't the full shilling and these situations can have a habit of getting out of control so I just said OK. She then continued with "I hope you don't mind but I was wondering if I could ask you a big favour. I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to my son and I'm finding that very difficult to cope with. As I'm leaving would it be ok for you to say Goodbye Mum to me?"
At this point I'm thinking that I just want rid of her and wondering why I seem to attract these kind of people. Probably because I sometimes shop in Lidl which isn't the most salubrious of shops, maybe I should stick to Tesco. In order not to rock the boat I said "Well sure, I guess I can say that" wondering what harm it could do. She thanked me and then went through the checkout as it was her turn. I watched her pack all of her groceries in her bag and put them into her trolley. As she finished she turned to me and said "Goodbye Son". That was my cue so I replied with "Goodbye Mum" silently thanking the fact that it was all over.
It was my turn at the checkout so the cashier put my food through then turned to me and said "That's £104 please."
"That can't be right" I replied "I only have a few items of food probably £20 worth"
"That's right but your Mum in front said that you would pay for her groceries too"
"But she isn't my Mum! You can't just assume that"
"I heard you call her Mum as she was leaving"
By this point I was getting very angry. I looked out into the car park and I saw she was just finishing putting the groceries into the car. I told the cashier I'd be back in a minute as I had to speak to my "mum" and I ran out into the car park. I shouted after her to stop and she looked up and saw me running across the car park. A look of panic crossed her face and she quickly tried to jump into her car and drive away. However she wasn't fast enough and I dived towards the car and grabbed her leg which hadn't made it into the door. I got a good hold and I pulled the leg.....................................

.......just like I'm pulling yours.

While I'd like to take credit for this story, it's actually from the Tom Waits box set Orphans.